Every Bay Area “Walled Compound”

You’re in Berkeley unexpectedly. You’d hoped ^[1]this would be the one trip through SFO this year where you didn’t end up at your favorite conference venue (previously, previous-er-ly), but, well, life had other plans. Your vacation plans fell through in an unexpected way, and in addition to being an excellent conference venue, and a target of the odd conspiracy theory by journalists with poor fact-checking skills, Lighthaven sometimes offers surprisingly affordable housing last-minute, for those in the know.

The next morning, you wake up in your stylish bedroom.

You wander through the common area, and see three individuals in monk’s robes congregated around the kitchen island. The seniormost-seeming monk is interrogating the juniormost about their strategy for fairly cutting the chocolate cake in front of them and distributing the slices.

You’ll later learn, appropriately, that the juniormost monk was tricked into coming to Lighthaven by means of a single, inaccurate electronic message to volunteer to assist with planning their Petrov Day commemorations.^[2]
After all, it’s better to rein in help, then serve some leaven.

You amble out to the beautiful secret garden. (So secret that you, ah, literally missed it on your first trip to Lighthaven, despite it being approximately 30% of the total grounds. Look, there were some good talks going on, and you were busy.)

Photo credit: Lighthaven. This tree is a great place to hold a Kabbalat Shabbat underneath, incidentally.

Canada geese fly overhead, honking. Your inner Ohioan notices that you are confused; it’s the wrong season for them to have migrated this far south, and they’re flying westwards, anyways.

A quick Google discovers that some Canada geese have now established themselves non-migratorily in the Bay Area:

The Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 banned hunting or the taking of eggs without a permit. These protections, combined with an increase in desirable real estate—parks, golf course and the like—spurred a dramatic turnaround for the species. Canada geese began breeding in the Bay Area—the southern end of their range – in the late 1950s.

You nod, approvingly; this clearly is another part of the East Bay’s well-known, long-term philanthropic commitment to mitigating Acher-Risks.

If you got this joke without having to read the link, we should be friends.

A well-known YouTuber (whose beard is the beard you wish you had) is working at focused pace at a desk. While holding a multi-hour conversation on AI risk and the policies of various AI companies, he is also absentmindedly etching his name deeply into the surface of some of his personal gear so it doesn’t get lost or stolen. After an hour’s work, the metal surface of his tool is beautifully marked with a relief carving of his name, and he’s artfully filling that etching with paint to make it more visually striking.

You like his subscribe.

You meet someone in passing in the courtyard; they’re gushing that “Lighthaven feels like Disneyland!” You ask, “in which sense, the lighting, the decor, the beautiful gardens?”

“No, the garbage cans! There’s one always in line of sight, just like Walt intended!”

Photo credit: Lighthaven. Ironically, all five of the trash cans normally in the field of view here were removed for this promotional photo.

Saul Munn is there. Saul Munn has always been there. Saul Munn will always be there.

You’re sitting around a firepit, one cloudy cold afternoon. A Siberian Husky wanders up to you out of nowhere, and makes clear that it wants to sit with you and be snuggled. You oblige, and pass a pleasant few minutes petting its immaculate fur until a sole, brief blast of an air horn sounds in the far distance. The Husky promptly stands, shakes itself out in an unmistakably Midwestern “Welp, guess it’s time for me to be heading off,” and trots off briskly in the direction of the horn.

Photo credit: Lighthaven. Husky not pictured. One of three trash cans normally in area pictured.

Some acquaintances are there, running their ongoing reading group for The Sequences, and you decide to join. (It’s basically Bible Study for atheists.) ^[3]People break into small groups and earnestly analyze a series of essays about how to understand the world better and one’s ethical obligations given that understanding, part of a broader corpus written by Eliezer Yudkowsky, and discuss how to interpret them. Dozens of folks are there, so it’s a good chance to catch up with a few friends and parasocial acquaintances.

Later, a very earnest ex-evangelical person will attempt to argue to you one-on-one over vegetarian pizza that you shouldn’t be religious, invoking many of the essays you’ve just discussed, and others you’ve both read, besides. He will be very earnestly discouraged that you don’t stop being Jewish at the end of the hour’s debate.

(You don’t have the heart to explain to him that debating the existence of G-d in pairs, while referencing a shared corpus of essays and commentaries is literally one of the most essential Jewish activities...)

A somewhat-famous polling expert wanders by. You tell them that you just received an American Community Survey, and jokingly ask whether you should skew the ACS’s metrics dramatically by asking the people around you what would be funniest to fill in for each question.^[4]

They respond, in genuine horror, that you absolutely should not; there is nothing more sacred than accurate data in responses to polls, and it’s never acceptable to ask others to make up responses, even as a joke.

After all, it’s better to reign in Hell, than survey Lighthaven.

Disclosures:

Views are my own and do not represent those of current or former clients, employers, friends, Lightcone Infrastructure, or Rabbi Meir.

^{^}
“Give up, lose hope, endure.” — Modern Chelish saying.
^{^}
I prefer to celebrate Reform Petrov Day, where any individual can declare that it is Petrov Day, but only upon receipt of an electronic message informing them that it is not Petrov Day.
^{^}
And you must never tell them.
^{^}
You’re not serious. That could get you arrested. Or worse off, get your demographer friends mad at you…